Why, Did I have Plastic Surgery on National TV?

Sorry for my absence. At my core I am an obsessive compulsive. Working on my book has consumed me. But I have hit a speed bump.

The book I am writing, This Is So Not Pretty: Finding Love and Beauty on TV not only revolves around my ninety pound weight loss, but the Plastic Surgery that gave me a body as close to ideal as I could have. As you all know in the last four 1/2 years I've gained and lost the same forty pounds.

Now, as part of finding the ending to my book and the true arc of my journey, I ask myself why. First, Why did I do the show? To be honest, I lost ninety pounds, needed the tucks and a chin. I applied for the show and I got lucky. I would do it again a hundred times over, even with the three day stay in the real hospital for a raging infection.

Why did I let myself go, Why did I start eating the things I knew were bad for me? Why, when I know exactly how to, wont I loose the weight that I profess to despise? I say that I never realized, that I was so skinny after the makeover. I had whiplash. But the impetus of my original weight loss was actually feeling healthy inside then seeing a photo of myself that made the disconnect between my brain and body obvious. Are health and thinness one and the same. So I never truly felt skinny inside.

All I wanted was to be healthy. I did that. Then I knew I would never have a flat stomach without the surgery.(Thirty-three year-old skin does not magically disappear.)

I need to go back to the mission statement--BE HEALTHY. FUCK THINNESS. Right now, I am healthy. I can run and jump and climb rocks. That's all I wanted. That , and a soul mate. I haven't found him yet, but I will. I have an amazing shape to my body:smooth belly, breasts in the right spot. People always said I was like a Renaissance painting. Maybe that's what, I am meant to be.

P.S I will try my best to be posting more consistently, as this blog is so helpful to me. Be well everyone.

Weight Loss Blogging

It works... I have been gone from the blog for 4days and my eating has suffered. Knowing that I wasn't going to have time to report my actions to my readers made it easier for me to eat the cheese. Of course it was the weekend, my social life got in the way of my eating habits. I'm back on track now. And that's about all. Still doing the same thing.
I also want to report that I won't be blogging as much because I am writing a book about an amazing time in my life. I work 40 hours a week. I want to have my proposal finished by the 1st week of March so I need to devote all of my time to that and Sebastian. I plan to, hopefully, be posting two to three times a week.

Hope everyone is well and plugging away toward their goals.

Doldrum's

So things are going good. I am exercising daily plus I am eating very well: no dairy, no animal. Not sure what the numbers say; I try to stay away from the scale and focus on the clothing. I've been working all week and wearing scrubs so I am not sure about the fit of my pants. When I get all dolled-up tonight for dancing, I'll let you know.

Going out dancing can be a problem for me. I have an affinity for Jose Cuevro, but he has an affinity for my hips. Sure I work it off dancing though I'd rather my net caloric loss be put towards releasing some adipose tissue. Then there is the smoking. I like smoking when I drink, I like drinking when I dance, and I like dancing when I drink and smoke. It is what it is: I am going to smoke tonight so I just accept it.

I have an underlying depression going on. It's mild and I thought it was going to dissipate with the daily workouts. Right now, I'm still sad and frustrated with my state. I feel stagnant and trapped. More on that later.

Have a nice day everyone.

Exercise

01/20/2009-self portrait, weight 178, I'm an apple shape-it's all in the middle.


Not much to report today. My will stays strong and I remain devoted to my health and body. I continue to eschew dairy and I haven't even dreamt about chocolate. Wait till Easter. I'll be rolling in the Cadbury. Sebastian and I went for another workout in the park tonight and I was able to maintain jogging for 4minutes. Last year I was up to thirty minutes of sustained jogging, but after three months of stagnance it may take another month to get back to that statistic.

I use a Heart Rate Monitor when I exercise because when I walk I have a tendency to slow dow. Since my workout involves intervals 3-4 mins of walk followed by 3-4mins of jog I need keep track of the lower end. It's best to stay in the target range throughout the entire exercise. I'm a bit out of shape; what used to produce a heart rate of 130 now turns out a 138. Not to fret, with a month of work my Polar Monitor will display a calm 128 while jogging.

I ate one improperly combined food today:peanut butter and graham cracker. No flogging for that.

Glorious Day: Sap and Cheese

Disclaimer: Sap and Cheese ahead. Do not read further if you have an aversion to sap and cheese, and I am not talking about Maple and Gouda.

Snow rocks my world. It is the planet's greatest gift to us, well to me. I don't have to shovel. It's snowing here in NYC, so I bundled up and took the pooch for a walk/jog. We went into the North Woods of Central Park; we ran, slid, skidded and played. If you don't live in NY, it might be difficult to imagine woods in the middle of the city, but trust me they are there. And they look like any other forest/woods you may have visited. When I'm blazing past the snow covered trees I feel lucky to be alive and most fortunate to live in this glorious place. New York City feeds my soul and even after five years I never tire of it's wonders.

I finally used my Chanukah ITunes card two nights ago. I got some great music including an electronic version of 'Flight of the Bumblebee' plus 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?' by Rockapella. Yes, I am a geek, and geeks are sexy. Does anyone remember those guys from the PBS game show that proved American children can't find Zimbawe on an outlined map. I made a new workout playlist with my new tunes. Combined with the snow and the new music my average heart rate was 130 for 50 minutes. Awesome.
I ate some Quinoa and Spinach and now drinking a coffee flanked by my animal children. My new music plays in the dock as I type. Ahhh, life is grand.

Oh yes I ate like a champ today. Good Day!!! Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the little bits of magic that make this life grand.

P.S. I'll be back to my regular non-sappy self tomorrow.

The Importance of Fruit

Fruit plays an important role in Fit for Life. Everyone needs fruit for the vitamins and high water content. Some dieters shy away from fruit because of the high sugar content. The sugar in fruit is natural and unrefined. It is a good thing. Fit for Life and Natural Hygiene that fruit should be eaten upon waking and for the first four hours of the day. According to Harvey Diamond, the author of Fit for Life, the body performs the final step of elimination in the morning hours. Therefore it does not have the energy to digest heavy foods. The typical cereal and milk breakfast will sit in the stomach like a lead weight until energy becomes available. Fruit when eaten alone passes through in twenty minutes plus the body uses the sugar right away. The plan encourages fruit to always be eaten alone so that always passes through easily. This was hard to get used to at first, but it became second nature. Now I feel funny if I don't have my morning banana or Naked Drink. I mostly drink my breakfast for convenience and I don't feel that hungry plus I have a lot of energy in the morning.

Fruit can also be eaten at the end of the day on an empty stomach(three hours since the last meal) to stave off late night cravings.

Being a Woman/Status Report

Since everyone else is talking about PMS this week, I might as well add my two grams. This time around, my PMS lasted for a week with bloating and anxiety. I weighed myself at work and had gained two pounds. Ouch! My buddy reminded me that I was emotional and therefore Auntie Flo was on the way. Hence the bloat. It's good to have a gay best friend, they often notice more than women. I cried my eyes out when I found the butter tub opened on the counter. That was a big clue. People at my work were worried and afraid to incite a torrent of tears, but I think tears are a good thing. I believe PMS to be the time when we have a good excuse to cry like babies. All month I deal well with my stresses and dissatisfaction; period time comes and I can let it go. Not that I'm a weeping willow, but I relish a good sob.

On a happy note my jeans are looser now and the only dairy I've had is half and half in coffee. My eating habits are back on track. I am Fit for Life-ing all over the place. Last night I took Sebastian out for his first rollerblade since his injury. He was running like the wind. My new blades glided over the rough patches with ease and when going up the hills my stride was Eric Flaim, Olympic Speedskater. Oh how I love them. Thanks Ray!