Back Again....

Well, It's been 1year and 1month since I blogged on this site. I thought I(as a whole emotional and physical being) was cooked, plated, and garnished; ready for the world to consume. Consume, in a figurative way.

And I am back. Back to being the size I was two years ago. If I don't arrest the process, I may find myself back to the beginning. Back to 2003 and 230lb. All my work, the running, jumping and climbing, plus the plastic surgery of my makeover will be for naught. I'm scared that I won't be able to stop. My old habits are returning: eating five bags of M+M's, scraping all the icing from the office party cake, and unhinging my jaw to insert a veggie burger dripping with cheese and ketchup. There are times I can't find the will to stop.

The Token Fat Girl's blog entry today spurred me to write this entry. Her honest depiction of negativity and fear resonated with me. Link below.

I know that I have proven that I can do this. The question I most often ask myself is why aren't you doing this? My therapist says, I get in my own way. I feel most days that it's not worth the effort. The trappings of societal interactions fail to excite or incite me. That statement is a metaphor for, "I have what I need and don't need anymore." I do have a spanking good life going on here in NYC: Great friends(the best friends), the best animal children, good job, going back to school and an apartment(with my own bedroom) 30 seconds from Central Park.

But this attitude is like to say, I am satisfied, there is nothing left to do. This is not the best approach to enlightenment, though in some areas, I feel so defeated. I need to focus, like The Token Fat Girl on actions rather than feelings.

OH PETA, you are a misguided people

First, I invite you to check out my Health Care blog entry at www.oddlyoffcenter.com. I am passionate about end-of-life issues.

Oh Peta. I used to be a card carrying member because I do believe Veganism is the way to go for lifelong health and weight management, but their scare tactics only alienate people. Their most recent attempt succeeded in pissing parents off.

They stood outside a McDonalds and passed out Unhappy Meals with the intention of showing consumers how a chicken nugget meal is made. I would think that people are aware of the agony animals endure before become a cheeseburger or mcnugget. Trying to convince a committed carnivore into becoming a vegetarian is like getting a catholic to renounce god.

State of the Heather report:

I am maintaining my weight at 157 pounds. I had a setback when my Herniated Disk flared-up on Saturday. I got another shot in my back yesterday and I feel much better. I wont be exercising until next week. I've also decided to have the surgery as soon as possible because I realized that my lifestyle does not lend itself to non-surgical management. I want to be running a marathon next year and shots are like a salve to the compressed nerve.

I mentioned to the my shot doctor that I wanted to loose more weight, about 20 pounds, before having the surgery. I lost 25 since the last shot. He feels it will not make a difference. He says I'm healthy now, I want to enjoy my new body now. Get it done already. So that's what I am going to do.

I have another MRI tomorrow night and an appt with my Neurosurgeon next Wednesday. My parents are ready to come for a week and take care of me. I'll keep everyone posted. Until I can really exercise I am focused on eating small portions and lots of Spinach.

I love Spinach.

Peace.

Wallow Baby...Wallow

My last entry I wrote about 'The Plateau' and that I could feel it starting. It's rearing it's ugly head and I am cool with it. I am allowing myself to enjoy it and eat the things I love within the boundaries of veganism: Empire Szechuan's Veggie Beef with Broccoli and Peanut Butter dumplings. Yes it's vegan, but that doesn't mean it's healthy for me. It's loaded with fat, simple carbs and oodles of yummy goodness. I had a PB+J. Twice. My only rule for myself during the week is eat only when hungry. I just made myself hungry.

Why have I decided to allow, nay enjoy, this descent into gastronomic madness? Simple, I need to relax and this is the perfect week. I weighed 157 pounds last Thursday before I left for my weekend with family. I returned by the Greyhound night bus on Monday morning and went directly to work. I was on call last night. I am exhausted. And I am a fatigue eater first and a stress eater second. So I eat. To try and force myself to comply with my self-imposed eating rules would be counter-productive. I work for the rest of the week-topping out 60 hours. With my awesome paycheck next Thursday, I will run to the farmer's market for fresh veggies.

My theory on the benefits of the allowing this natural plateau to come to fruition.

The body gets used to the same foods, exercise, mental state. Breaking my dietary habits for a while (Just a week. Only a week.) will change it's response to when I do return to my more stringent routine. Even if I gain two pounds it will pay off when I jump-start myself on Saturday. I've already lost 25 pounds, so I'm willing to gain two to maintain my mental sanity and get through the rest of the week. Diet-Blog has a great entry on how to break a plateau, which I am doing:change it up, relax, don't obsess, and change exercise. Less running and more walking. My mantra for this week-"Give the body a break."

The Plateau

Just to let everyone know that I am here and doing well. I went away for the weekend to Tremblant in Quebec. I swam, ran, and kayaked. After the weekend I took the night bus back to NYC from Montreal. (Which it itself was an experience) I arrived home at 715 and then worked all day. So I'm a little tired. My fatigue caused me to eat some chocolate-obsessively. And then I realize I am allowing myself to hit a plateau. Since I got to 157lb. So, I started wondering about that and how a plateau works and how we get there.

Anyway, this is a topic I want to explore in depth. Any comments about plateau are welcome.

Thanks,

Heather

Raw Fish and Sas

A few days ago I kinda did a bad thing, but for good reasons. As a Vegan I do not eat any animal flesh as a rule. Yesterday, I was suffering some forceful female flow then became pale and tired. I hadn't had any of my normal protein foods like beans or quinoa. When I got home from work I was too tired to lift a pot and pour water. Plus, Sebastian danced at my heels begging for his ambulation. What's an anemic gal to do.

I took the beast for his walk(too fatigued to run) and hit up the nearest Sushi joint for a Sashimi appertizer (sic). I also got some eel sas(sic) and seaweed salid.(sic) I did feel better afterwards plus if I have to eat something animal I feel that raw fish is the best thing. My dietary beliefs stem from my spiritual beliefs. A human being can catch, kill and consume a fish without the use of tools. Therefore, from an anthropological perspective, humans are meant to eat the fish. On the other hand I was proud of my Vegan label, one I work hard to maintain. My desire to maintain the label convinced me to stop eating seafood in last year. I chose to eschew dairy for health reasons in January. So there I was-A Vegan. I don't wear leather or wool. I only buy shoes that say, "Man Made Materials Only."

And now because I forgot to take my iron pill-for one month. I ate some fish.

I feel bad. I feel like I let my fellow Vegans down. Soon they will come after me with carrots.

I did make a lovely Hummus this evening with Avocado and a quarter shot of Tequila. Yummy

I Covet...

As I ran tonight, this woman blazed passed me in the park. She had that slim 4-pack figure seen on every cover of Shape magazine. And I thought, "I really want that." And I knew it was not because she looked "HOT," but because I knew what that body could do. She reminded me of a gazelle from the discovery channel as she glided across the black-top. I imagined that she could climb a 5.10 big wall using just her taut abs. Her skin glowed-maybe that was the sweat-and looking at her made my 2010 Marathon resolve even stronger. The work it would take to stay in motion for 4 hours would get me that which I covet.

I was pumping hard too. I kept my heart rate above 110 for 1 hour 20 minutes and stayed in the good zone for 45 minutes. Sebastian came with me tonight. He likes to stop and smell bushes, he likes to stop and stalk squirrels, he likes to stop and take dumps. Sebastian can be annoying when I am in the zone. But I love my boy, without him I'd be eating another Boston Creme doughnut, not blogging. Without my boy, I'd still weigh 230 pounds. Without my boy the events that led me to create Fat Pants/Skinny Jeans would have never happened.

According to my heart rate monitor, I burned 1007 calories. In light of my 1/3 pound metabolic fire, I turned down 105th street to hit up the Dunkin Donuts for coffee(yup, i like java after a workout) and a munchkin. The Donut man snuck in a Boston Creme alongside my chocolate munchkin. At home, I handed the bag to my roomie who thankfully demolished the 250 calories treat. I had three chocolate munchkins after my broccoli and dandelion sandwich.

Tomorrow I will do a short form workout and make hummus.

The Underside of 160

Wow. I honestly did not think it would happen. I presumed my 38 year old body reached a point of rigidity and stubbornness that I would never see 159 lbs. I am fully back in my size 10s without signs of a shiitake mushroom. A month ago I spoke about the "not thinking about concept." Yup, Just going through my day, eating the food I like and exercising, did the trip. Sure it took a bit longer, but the weight-loss will stick like sushi rice.

On the running front, I completed a 4 miler this weekend with a time of 45:36 min for a pace of 11:24. That's a full minute improvement from my last run which was a 5 miler. Though I do feel I had one more mile in me.

I happy with my progress and I know I want more. I want to go all the way. Now I am really battling the last 20 pounds.